Sealing Shenanigans
by VentingNonsense
Summary: So a time-traveling seal-master Uzumaki girl with Byakugan eyes, a blind part-Uchiha swordsman from Mist, and a Rinnegan-wielding Senju meet up at a bar. This is either the worst joke in history or the build-up to something really, really stupid. Probably both. (This is one of those stories that feature ridiculously overpowered characters. I'm sorry.)
1. My Entire Life Has Made No Sense

**Author's Note and Disclaimer:** Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and Shonen Jump. The main three characters are mine, though.

Incidentally, why do Naruto fan works never have gay harems? It's either an obsessive, idealistic homosexual relationship (that whole _'seme-uke'_ thing, which is _wrong_), or a crazy harem with Naruto inevitably involved; or, well, relatively normal pairings that are still horribly wrong and not even remotely how true relationships would work, but those are irrelevant and, by their _very definition_, hopelessly idealistic. But yeah, no gay harems? There's like three times the amount of males in the story than there are females, it should be _easy._

It doesn't have anything to do with this story, relationships aren't the focus of this story and I don't even _like_ harems. I'm just wondering, is all.

Something relevant to the story: I have a story on my computer in which I translate every Japanese word or phrase into its closest English equivalent. _This is not that story._ There are phrases you should already know, given that you're a Naruto fan. I'm not translating them. Deal with it.

Also, you will see the use and overuse of various clichés in the Naruto fandom that were once popular, and still probably are; that is _intentional_, and not every world will be the same. (In fact, due to my personal distaste of these kinds of stories (the mob-beats-the-shit-out-of-Naruto stories and the civilian-council stories, among other clichés), most of them won't.)

* * *

**Chapter One: My Entire Life Has Made No Sense**

Fuuka took a swig of her drink and sighed. Shaking her cup around, she reminisced about times gone by.

She jolted from her thoughts as the seat across from her became occupied. A boy, no more than Fuuka's own biological age, plonked onto the chair, scowling. Fuuka's lavender eyes stared into his own onyx eyes, and she smiled.

"Hello, Kenji."

The boy scowled further. "I got your note." He pulled the note and placed it on the table. "It said you wanted to see me?"

"Your sister. She is dead, isn't she? Murdered, by those you considered family."

The boy turned warily hostile. "How did you-"

"What if I could give you power beyond your wildest dreams? Abilities more than even you could imagine? Memories of a time long gone. You could become one of the most powerful ninja in the world again." Fuuka's smile grew wider as the boy looked interested despite himself. "It _is_ interesting, isn't it? You only have to lose your individuality."

Kenji turned thoughtful as Fuuka suppressed her sigh, knowing what he was thinking. _Poor dear. Only twelve years old and he's had a worse life than many others could claim. He's all too willing to die, at this point._

"I want to kill those bastards that murdered my sister," Kenji finally said. "I will do anything to achieve that. Please," he bowed his head. Fuuka patted his head from across the table.

"The process has begun," Fuuka finally said after a minute of silence. "Here, drink up." Fuuka passed the bottle to Kenji, who took a swig from the bottle, before he passed out.

The minutes passed before another spot on the table was taken. Fuuka put a finger to her lips and winked.

"Sshh. He is dreaming of sunshine and roses." Fuuka tilted her head. "Do you remember, Touya?"

The newcomer shook his head. "The note said that you would show me."

Fuuka's smile never wavered. "Look into my eyes." He obliged, and Fuuka could see the circular rings in his eyes, despite his Rinnegan being inactive. "With your Rinnegan, please." Touya looked shocked.

"If I didn't believe it before, that would have solidified it." Touya nevertheless obliged her.

The minutes ticked by. Touya shook himself out of his stupor and Fuuka leaned back in her chair.

"Do you remember, Touya?" Fuuka asked again. Touya nodded.

"It still feels weird, being transplanted from one time to another," he mused. "Doesn't it feel weird, murdering the younger versions of your friends? Knowing that they should be the ones here?"

Fuuka shook her head. "I merely show them what they could have been, with alternate memories. The memories salvaged from my previous loops. If they choose to integrate them into themselves, it is their choice; similarly, if they choose to die and allow the memories to dominate the mind, it is their choice. Nevertheless," Fuuka admitted, "I did feel like that once. But, for me, it was so long ago that I just don't care anymore." Touya nodded sadly. "Could you punch Kenji in the face? I am aware that he is feigning sleep."

"That," Kenji said from his position on the table. "That won't be necessary. I'm up, I'm up." Touya punched him in the face anyway. "Ow! The hell was that for?"

"I just wanted to punch you in the face anyway," replied Touya innocently. Kenji mock-growled, before turning sad eyes on Fuuka.

"Fuuka-chan, Touya's being meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean," Kenji whined. Fuuka whirled on Touya, who put his hands up in defense.

"Touya-kun, stop being bad," Fuuka chastised angrily, while Touya looked sheepish. "It is not nice to hit people in the face."

The three of them stared at each other for a few moments, then burst out laughing.

Fuuka recovered first. "Let's, let us head to my place." The other two nodded through their laughter.

* * *

"I'm going to take a shower," Kenji declared as he strode towards the bathroom.

"Don't take too long. We have to talk," replied Fuuka as she set up the kitchen.

"How in the world do you keep getting a house to live in?" Touya asked. "You're the same age as both of us, biologically."

Fuuka smiled. "Men will do a lot for beautiful women, and my henge technique is very good."

"You're the only one that ever needs to henge, so I kind of forgot," Touya admitted. "But they have Hyuuga here, how do they not see through it?"

Fuuka's smile warped into a smirk. "Men will do a lot for beautiful women."

Touya rolled his eyes. "I'd be horrified and very concerned about you selling your body, if you weren't, well, _you._"

Fuuka grinned, and grabbed teacups from her cabinet. Pouring tea into Touya's cup, she admitted, "I have had to do it for so long that, again, it doesn't bother me."

Touya noticed that Fuuka looked a bit uncomfortable. "I'm sure," he said in a tone that said that he obviously didn't, but chose not to press. Fuuka smiled.

They drank their tea in silence, only interrupted by the noises in the shower. Fuuka's unwavering smile and Touya's stoic, stony visage were only disrupted as Kenji started singing about penises, but overall they felt it was a peaceful silence.

There was a knock on the door. Fuuka looked at Touya, who shrugged and gesticulated wildly. Fuuka got up and opened the door.

"Uzumaki-san, the Hokage wishes to see you now," the ANBU said. Fuuka nodded, and the ANBU vanished into a swirl of leaves.

Fuuka felt rather than saw him in his spying position and said, "We will arrive as soon as Kenji is finished." Without waiting for a response, Fuuka calmly and deliberately walked back to the kitchen, without closing the door.

The ANBU, Fuuka noted amusedly, looked distinctly uncomfortable. Touya noticed Fuuka's nearly-malicious smile and stifled a groan. _That look never means anything good._

Kenji walked down the stairs, dressed in a nice new yukata, headband placed firmly over his eyes, and Fuuka nodded approvingly.

"Come now, Kenji. The Hokage wishes to see us."

Kenji blinked. "Already? That was fast."

"Indeed." If Touya thought her smile was a bit malicious before, he definitely felt that her smile was downright _evil_ now. "After all, kage bunshin are very useful."

Kenji smirked. "I get it."

Touya looked between them, and felt that the Hokage definitely had a tough time ahead of him.

* * *

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand," the Third Hokage asked angrily, covered in paint and ink. Kenji started and Touya backed away, but Fuuka stood calmly, smiling.

"The Fourth's son, Naruto," she sang. "Unless you want to kill his only family."

The Hokage stared disbelievingly at her. "Explain."

Fuuka smiled wider. "Kushina-kaasan was pregnant before they married, you know."

"And why was I never informed?" From the frown on his face, the Hokage clearly didn't believe her.

"Because you trust Danzou," Fuuka stated flatly. "And Minato-tousan never trusted him."

The Hokage scowled. "I do not appreciate the accusation you're making."

Fuuka shrugged. "It is a fact. Besides, do you not think Danzou would jump on the chance to get not one, but _two_ containers for the Nine-Tailed Fox?"

"Enough." The Hokage waved his hand and ANBU swarmed the three of them. "You had your chance. ANBU, kill them."

Fuuka's smile stretched even wider. "And what makes you think that I've lied?" With that, she grabbed her stomach, and _twisted._

Demonic chakra flooded the air, freezing all of the ANBU in place. The Third jumped over his desk, intent on killing the threat.

He was stopped by his desk. Or, rather, the desk morphed into a cage and trapped him. Touya grunted as the Third pounded against the walls of the cage.

"All right, Fuuka, you've proven your point." Touya started to sweat from exhaustion. "Reel him back in, now. The Third is getting antsy."

"How _dare_ you threaten my shinobi," the Third cursed. "I will kill you where you stand."

Touya raised an eyebrow, amused. "I can hold you here for a while yet, Hokage-sama."

Fuuka noticed Touya's bluff and closed her seal. The crushing pressure ceased instantly, and the ANBU collapsed onto the floor.

Suddenly, kunai appeared out of thin air, and they flew towards Kenji.

Who _disappeared._

The kunai clanked together and fell harmlessly to the ground. Kenji reappeared to Fuuka's right, as he lifted his headband to his forehead, revealing spinning Sharingan eyes.

The Hokage stopped thrashing about in his cage (for which Touya was thankful) and stared, stunned. "Why...why would the Nine-Tailed Fox ally with an Uchiha?"

Kenji snorted. "She's a jinchuuriki, old man. The tailed beasts can't turn into _people_, that would be _absurd_."

"Are you going to play nice, now?" Touya asked rhetorically. "I don't really want to hold you for much longer, but I will if I have to."

"What...what do you people want?" the Third asked warily. "I'm not going-"

Fuuka interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "We want to be shinobi. Of the Leaf, preferably, but I'll bring back Whirlpool if we have to."

Kenji looked at her. "We _are?_ Why wasn't I told about this?"

"You went to take a shower," Fuuka replied, without missing a beat. "It is certainly not my fault."

"And how do I know you won't harm my shinobi?" The Hokage asked, still wary.

"Hiruzen," Fuuka replied. "If we wanted to kill your shinobi at any point, we would have done so."

"We also want to help out Naruto," Touya added. "He's more important than anyone thinks." He then tilted his head. "I guess we'd also like to help the Uchiha not kill themselves, but that's not a priority."

"What...are you two talking about?" the Hokage finally asked, no longer wary but a hell of a lot more confused.

"Fuuinjutsu is very interesting, is it not?" Fuuka commented absently, waving her arm lethargically in a pattern that made no sense to anyone but the Hokage.

The Hokage blinked. Twice. Then he jolted in shock and signaled his ANBU away. After they had managed to leave (still somewhat paralyzed by the demonic chakra), the Hokage activated his privacy seals. "Explain. _Please,_" he stressed.

"No."

The Hokage blinked again. "No?"

"No." Fuuka smiled. "If we were to tell you, then the timeline would be irrevocably changed. I know you know that."

"Then, explain why you knew those hand signals," The Hokage asked.

"On the record, I will say that my father, Minato, taught me them, to use in emergencies."

"And off the record?" Hiruzen asked with an eyebrow raised.

Fuuka's smile turned mysterious. "I _can't_ tell you."

He stilled, face blanking. "I see." He turned to Touya. "Can you release me? I give my word that I will not allow any of you three to come to harm." Touya nodded and changed his cage back into a desk. The Hokage got up and walked to behind his desk.

"I will need to have someone come and test your capabilities. If you are what I think you're implying you are-"

"Kakashi," Fuuka replied instantly. "If he is unavailable, then Guy-san."

The Hokage nodded. "Your claims are coming close to being verified. I will, of course, have to inform Kakashi about your real status." Fuuka nodded.

"I would have expected no less," Fuuka admitted. "Kakashi would find the loophole instantly, being the closest to Minato-tousan. The only other two people I can trust with this information are your two students, Jiraiya-oji and Tsunade-oba."

"There is another," Kenji spoke up. "I would also trust Uchiha Itachi with this information."

The Hokage stared at him. "The traitor?"

For the first time in this timeline, Fuuka frowned. "You know that he is not a traitor."

"...yes." The Hokage looked uncomfortable. "Of course. I will consider this. Would you three be willing to take an oath to serve the Leaf and the Hokage to the best of your abilities?"

"Yes," the three chorused.

"But," Kenji declared. "You're not our Hokage. Fuuka is. What she says, goes." Touya nodded, and Fuuka's smile brightened, even as she blushed in embarrassment.

"That...will have to be acceptable. Yes, I'll see what I can do." The Hokage released the seals and the ANBU hopped back in. Then he grimaced. "Paperwork, _eurgh_. Please sign these in your blood."

"Of course," Fuuka replied, taking the papers from his hands, and passing them to the other three. As she filled out the form, she noted, "You know, kage bunshin would take care of the problem effortlessly."

The Hokage stared. "That doesn't help, because the clones don't share feedback amongst each other. Unless I-"

"-constantly make the clones generate more clones and have them pop, giving you the memories," Fuuka finished for him. "You would get the work done, but you would have to micromanage to ensure that they are all on task." The Hokage nodded.

"I can see how that would be beneficial, but you vastly overestimate my mental acuity."

Fuuka raised an eyebrow. "You are the Professor, God of Shinobi. If anyone can, it would be you."

"Perhaps," the Hokage admitted, chuckling. "But I didn't even think of using kage bunshin to do my paperwork." The three guests laughed outright. "Very well. By your standards, how do you think you will perform?"

"We are the three strongest ninja in the world, right now," Fuuka replied honestly. "The only people in the world with any potential to beat any one of us would be your grandson, my brother, Might Guy, the Second Hokage, and Mist's next Mizukage."

"Or that Rock Lee kid," Kenji said in humor. "Is he a genin yet?"

Fuuka and the Hokage both stared at him, the Hokage in confusion and Fuuka in amusement. "He is nine years old right now. No, he is still in the Academy," replied Fuuka. Kenji let out an, "Ah," of realization.

"No, I'm not going to tell you what to do," Fuuka stated in response to the Hokage's unspoken question. "I do not wish to influence your decision. Lee-kun grew into a respectable shinobi without my interference, and I do not wish to change it." The Hokage nodded in acceptance.

"We have the three great doujutsu among ourselves, and we're all very proficient in other things," Touya continued. "Fuuka is the greatest seal-master in the world and an infiltration expert, Kenji is a fantastic swordsman and holds a mastery of lightning-style jutsu, and I can emulate any technique, including bloodline techniques. So, yes, we're kind of really strong."

The Hokage realized something. "You have the...the legendary Samsara Eye?"

Touya smirked, and his eyes rippled into purple. The Hokage jumped in shock.

"Impressive," the Hokage mumbled, staring into his eyes. "That doujutsu was long thought to be extinct. How did you get it?"

"Hell if I know, I was born with it," replied Touya. "I'm a Senju, if that means anything."

"...Get some rest, you three," the Hokage stated flatly, reining in his emotion. "You will have to take your test tomorrow, as soon as possible. I would be a fool to let you go from the Leaf," he finished with a mumble that all three caught.

Fuuka smiled wider. "Danzou would be that fool. He would kill us for 'the glory of the Leaf'."

Kenji snorted. "Never mind that we've already sworn to protect this village; his twisted ideals would rather see us dead. Or brainwashed. Either way, we'd have no eyes."

Touya remained stoic. "Hokage-sama, please let Danzou-san know this: if his roots start to stalk us, then we will _burn the entire tree down._"

Fuuka snickered. "As far as poetry goes, that was terrible, Touya."

Touya rolled his eyes. "You knew what I meant. Shut up, Fuuka."

Fuuka opened her eyes wide and stared at Kenji with sad eyes. "Kenji-kun, Touya's being meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean," she whined, tears flowing down her face.

Kenji gasped. "How could you?!" He stared angrily at Touya, although nobody could see this due to the headband covering his eyes. "Fuuka-chan is a _good girl!_"

Touya raised his arms sheepishly. "Sorry!"

Fuuka's tears immediately stopped and she shined a radiant smile, as she swiveled towards Touya. "I accept your apology," she said serenely. "Come, you two. Let us go for _ramen_!" Both of them groaned.

"There goes the Senju clan fund," Touya muttered, as they left the Hokage's office through the door.

Minutes ticked by as the Third Hokage stared at the spot that they left. Finally, he spoke. "That ramen fascination must be genetic."

* * *

"That was fun! We must do that more often," Fuuka chirped happily as she skipped home. Trailing behind her was a bloated Kenji and a depressed Touya.

"She's still a black hole of ramen, I see," Touya cried. "And Kenji, why for the love of all that is holy did you try to match her?"

"I...don't...know..." Kenji managed to get out. "Oh, my _stomach_..."

"What in the world possessed you to try to match Fuuka in ramen-eating?" Touya asked rhetorically. "You _knew_ she's a ramen junkie..."

Kenji belched but didn't reply. Fuuka turned around and sniffed the air.

"I smell blood." Fuuka's eyes narrowed as she sniffed again. "It smells like..." Her eyes widened. "Family." She sprinted past Kenji and Touya, who took their time turning around.

Fuuka stopped by an alleyway, where the pungent smell of blood filled the air. "What the...?" She turned into the alley and saw a frail blond child, bleeding from various wounds, being beaten by drunken civilians. _Oh, this is one of_ those _timelines._

Fuuka saw red. Metaphorically, and then, very quickly, literally.

The last thing she remembered before turning into blissful unconsciousness was Kenji's Sharingan eyes, swirling peacefully.

* * *

"You're saying she's already in the bingo book?"

The Hokage nodded. Kenji sighed and leaned back. "This is all kinds of not good." Then he grinned lazily at the sleeping figure on the bed. "At least she'll love her nickname."

"The council is getting restless, and are demanding her head," the Hokage said, ruining Kenji's good mood. Touya sighed from the other bed.

"Fuuka would probably blow up the house of anyone who is assigned to execute her," Touya stated bluntly. "She would probably hunt down and kill the family of her executioner without any remorse. I don't need to tell anyone that it's a terribly bad idea."

"If worst comes to worst," Kenji said, rubbing his eyes. "I can warp us into the other dimension, and we can just party for a while." He frowned. "How's Naruto?"

"He will definitely be scarred for life," Touya replied. "I'll try to ease the worst of the pains but I can't do much without a proper therapist."

The Hokage frowned. "You aren't worried about the council's demands?"

"Not really," Kenji drawled. "Touya and I are literally the strongest people in the village right now, with Fuuka out of commission. If they were to execute her, we would probably just up and leave, since nobody would be able to stop us."

"But...don't you depend on her transporting you between timelines?"

"Well, yes," Touya admitted. "But Fuuka automatically warps between timelines upon death, so that's not a problem, and she has backups of our memories."

"And when that is not enough, I have backups of backups," Fuuka admitted wearily, to everyone's shock. "What happened?"

Kenji reached out, patted the bed, found her arm, and grabbed it firmly. "Please, _please_ don't do that again."

Fuuka frowned. The she gasped in horror and blanched. "I used the Fox against civilians?!"

Touya nodded solemnly, and Kenji grimaced. "'Fraid so, princess."

Fuuka tossed her head back and groaned loudly. "Fuck."

"Maybe later," snickered Kenji. Fuuka slapped him on the arm.

"I swear," Fuuka said to the Hokage, frazzled. "I didn't mean to use the Fox on civilians. In fact, ordinarily I wouldn't, but they were beating up my brother, and I suppose I just got angry."

The Hokage raised his hands consolingly. "I know. Naruto is right there, sleeping; I've seen the damage. I won't begrudge you for that, but the council is still demanding your head."

Fuuka nodded her head after a moment. "I forgot there _was_ a council, actually. It has been a while. I might just reveal the secrets around my brother to the council; we will have to see how they react, and take measures accordingly." Her eyes turned white, ocular veins pulsing. "Naruto seems to be doing better." Then she frowned. "His seal seems to be stable. Mine is as stable as it usually is," she finished with a wince.

The Hokage tensed. "Are you saying that your seal is unstable?"

"Not...exactly." Fuuka winced again. "It's just that fuuinjutsu tend to be considerably less stable after using more than one consecutive seal on an item, and the seal holding the Fox currently has five concentric seals around it. I'm a seal-master, though, so I can handle it."

The Hokage frowned. "I refuse to let a ticking time bomb into the village. I hope you'll be able to prove that."

Fuuka just waved him off dismissively. "I will prove it tomorrow."

"What are we going to tell the council?" Touya asked. "I think we should get our stories straight."

Kenji snorted. "Well, it's like this..."

* * *

Later that night, the Hokage released a "mandatory council meeting" call. Unfortunately, with it came straggling guests trying to make their voices heard.

"That damn demon fox has done it again!" a civilian fumed. The council was formed in record time, as news of an accomplice of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox began to surface.

Amid shouts of angry agreement, the Hokage sighed. _I hope I can do this. I don't want to, but Kenji-kun is right; it's the best option we have._

"SILENCE!" The Hokage all but shouted. The guests stilled.

"I hope there is a good reason for this nonsense. One that _doesn't involve Naruto,_" the Hokage glared at a particularly troublesome civilian woman.

"Ha!" Said woman piped up. "This time, there _is!_ The rumors about the Nine-Tailed Fox turning into a teenage girl and killing innocent, hardworking people!"

quot;The Fox is sealed harmlessly into Naruto. I have _told_ you all this, many, many times."

"Then why were there reports of the demon's chakra leaking out?! Even your _shinobi_ noticed that!"

The Hokage made a mental note to find and take care of this leak. "Perhaps that wouldn't have happened if those same civilians didn't try to beat an innocent boy nearly to death."

"How dare you?!" she screeched, spitting in the Hokage's face. "They were-"

"I dare," the Hokage whispered in a malevolent undertone, releasing killing intent on par with the strongest of the Tailed Beasts, "because I am the Hokage. _Know your place._" The civilian council collectively winced and drew back.

"I apologize, Hokage-_sama_," she mumbled defiantly, eyes showing her anger. The Hokage waved his hand, and an ANBU came and accosted her. "What-"

"Perhaps a trip to T&I will do you well?" the Hokage asked sarcastically. "Oh, I'm sorry, you don't actually have a choice. ANBU, get her to Ibiki. If she struggles, you have my complete permission to kill her." The ANBU saluted lazily and swirled away with a pile of leaves. The rest of the chamber stared in shock.

"You can't just _do_ that!" one civilian member shouted.

Sarutobi merely pointed to himself and said, "Hokage." He then grabbed a pile of paperwork and said, "Now, is there anything _else?_" He used a bit of killing intent to prove his point. The civilians turned quiet very quickly. "Good." He shuffled some of his papers around. "Now. First on the agenda is...?"

"This actually _was_ the first thing on the agenda," his long-time friend, Danzou, said. Apparently, though, Fuuka said that Danzou was the single most important threat to the Leaf, and the Hokage was inclined to listen to her. "The civilian was just expressing her displeasure at the prospect of yet another appearance of the Fox's chakra."

"Oh," Hiruzen said, bored and uncaring. "Oops. My mistake." He said nothing else about it, though, and the council members looked at each other in horror. "Anyone have anything else to say?"

"Actually, I do," Danzou stood up. "Clearly, the Fox is interested in-"

"The girl that everyone thinks is the Fox reincarnated is not the Fox reincarnated. Just another _jinchuuriki_ of the Fox, like Naruto." The Hokage felt the need to make this known. Fuuka _did_ say she was going to release secrets sooner or later, so he figured he would do so as well. The civilian council muttered uneasily.

Danzou's visible eye widened. "Then, Hokage-sama, I demand that-"

"Incidentally," the Hokage said behind a stack of paperwork that he decided to straighten out. "She has also informed me of this: 'if his roots start to stalk us,' I'm assuming she meant those that she considers her family, 'then we will burn the entire tree down.' What do you think this means, old friend?"

"I'm sure I have no idea," Danzou replied.

"Of course," the Hokage nodded. "I would never accuse you of going behind my back and creating an army of inhuman soldiers for your own personal gain, under the guise of it being for the good of the Leaf. That would be silly."

"Yes. It would." Danzou looked unfazed, but Hiruzen could see the slight widening of his eyes and the subtle tension of his jaw. He mentally sighed. _It seems that Fuuka was right about something else. If this all goes well today, I will buy her as much ramen as she could possibly want._

"Of course, she _did_ say she was bad at poetry, so maybe it meant nothing in the end," the Hokage said, waving his arm lethargically, but the tensing of his eyes showed Danzou that he didn't believe that to be true at all. He was faintly pleased to see that Danzou gulped.

"Now, now, Hiruzen, I did not say I was the poet." A girl, no older than twelve, walked into the room with poise normally found in nobles years older than her, spinning a curved kunai in her hand. "I said my prophet-friend was the one to say that. Do not misunderstand, please." Her smile was completely at odds with her ambient chakra, which felt like a tempest contained in a teacup. The shinobi in the room tensed, with the exception of the Hokage, who chuckled.

"My apologies, dear. I simply thought that it would mean more if it came from you."

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

"Who is this?" the Hyuuga clan head, Hiashi, asked. "How does she have the Byakugan?"

"I woke up one day to find my eyes were missing, so I put new ones in my eyes," the girl said flatly. "I found them on a tree."

Everyone stared blankly at her, even the Hokage, before his eyes widened. "You're serious."

"Yes." The girl's smile never wavered.

"That makes absolutely no sense."

The girl shrugged. "I never said it did. My entire life has made no sense.

"To answer your other question, Hyuuga-sama, my name is Fuuka Uzumaki. I'm the true jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Youko."

Chaos reigned in the room, with civilians crying for her blood and the shinobi trembling in fear. The Hokage shouted, "SILENCE! SILENCE!" to no avail, and Fuuka simply stood there with that damnable smile.

"Explain," Danzou ordered more than stated, and Fuuka stood there with her eyebrow raised.

"Are you going to ask nicely?" she asked in a tone that put Danzo's hairs on end, even as he gnashed his teeth in frustration.

"Explain, _please,_" he stressed. Fuuka's smile brightened.

"Much better! Was that so hard?" she asked rhetorically, ignoring everyone's anger. "Very well, out of the goodness of my heart, I will oblige." She pulled out a scroll and heard kunai being pulled out of pockets, and she said mockingly, "I said I would do this out of the goodness of my heart. There is no reason to be upset; I have a lot of goodness in my heart."

"Forgive us if we don't believe you," the Nara clan head, Shikaku, said, as he tensed his kunai.

"All is forgiven!" Fuuka whipped out a scroll and stabbed one of her curved kunai into her hand. Bleeding, she placed her palmprint onto the scroll parchment and it popped up with a memory of a time that, unknown to everyone but Fuuka, didn't happen in this timeline.

"There, that should have done it. I hope it did," the Fourth Hokage asked. "~~~, my daughter," the memory fuzzed out at the name. "I'm so sorry, but I had to do this. I hope that you will understand in the future." The memory-Hokage's face grimaced, then falsely smiled, tears in his eyes.

"I'm going to be putting half of the Kyuubi into your brother, Naruto. The other half will go to you, ~~~," the memory fuzzed out again, "It is my hope that you will help your brother in his time of need." The memory-Hokage's tears started flowing freely. "Your mother...she wants to talk to you." The memory pushed backwards to reveal a woman with red hair.

"~~~? It's me, Mommy. It...everything will be alright, OK? The Third, he's a good man, and Jiraiya's good too when he's not being a pervert. Please..." she sobbed and hacked up blood. "I need more time," she whispered. She gulped, and pressed on as best she could. "Please, watch over your brother."

She then did the three vices speech Fuuka had listened to many, many times over the years. It was, she thought, the ultimate proof that her parents loved her, no matter what timeline, and she loved listening to it.

"I just want to say that I agree with everything your talkative mom said," the Fourth Hokage said, to his wife's sobs. "And, ~~~, I have scrolls for you. Please, don't let anyone touch them. Especially not a man named Danzou," the civilian sector gasped, "and _especially_ not the masked Uchiha," the shinobi sector gasped. "The Uzumaki sealing scrolls are there, as well. You'll," he coughed blood. "you'll learn a lot. You are my legacy, after all." The memory faded, and the place was silent. Fuuka took advantage of the silence by rolling up the scroll and putting it back in her pocket. She wiped a stray tear from her eye, then smiled brightly and turned towards the council.

"Well! Any questions?" And with that, the floodgates of questions came pouring out.

Many questions along the lines of 'what the hell was that' were said in scattered bursts, but the biggest statements shouted in shock were, "That boy is the son of the Fourth?!" and "This girl is the Fourth's legacy?"

Fuuka smiled, this time in definite amusement, as the Hokage kneaded his forehead. "When you said you were going to reveal secrets, I didn't expect you to reveal three S-rank secrets in one go."

"I didn't expect you to reveal an S-rank secret, either, but you seem to have managed that just fine," Fuuka said with a wink.

"Sorry we're late," Kenji announced, as he and Touya appeared to Fuuka's right and left, respectively. "Fuuka clogged the toilet before coming here." He waved around the plunger in his hand for good measure. "And then Touya didn't exactly tell me when to _stop._"

Touya snorted. "I wasn't paying attention either, you know."

Kenji frowned. "Oi, I _was_ paying attention. Not my fault I can't see the toilet."

"Who are you?!" one person demanded to know. Fuuka couldn't tell who was speaking.

"We're Fuuka's best friends and her team," Touya replied.

"But really," Kenji asked. "Does this council really have to be so stupid as to try to threaten the strongest shinobi in the world? Do they think themselves invincible?"

"Why _are_ there so many people in here?" Touya asked. "I thought the council only consisted of, like, three people."

"That's the Council of Elders," Kenji replied. "They're here, too. I can feel them. And they're to be expected, anyway."

Fuuka tapped both of them in the back of their heads. Then their eyes widened. "Oh..." they mutter in realization.

"To answer your _completely unnecessary_ question," Kenji turned to the person who demanded to know who they were. "I'm Kenji, and this is Touya. He's a Senju and I'm an Uchiha. Question time over."

"Now then," Touya turned to the Hokage. "Is our test ready right now? Because we can knock that off the list of things to do if he is."

The Hokage nodded. "Are you sure you want to do it so late at night? Kakashi would be ready in the morning. Right now, the only person we have that can administer the test is Guy."

"Sure." Touya shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, to us. Just let him know we aren't going to be using only taijutsu."

"I wouldn't expect you to," the Hokage states. "I'm more interested by what you can do than by if you can beat the Leaf's premier taijutsu expert in hand-to-hand."

"Fuuka probably could," Touya admitted. "But neither Kenji nor I can, so that's good."

"Very well." The Hokage watched the enraged council as Fuuka and Kenji answered most of their questions, smiling in amusement the whole time. The Hokage stood up and the council was silenced.

"Really?" The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "You're silent _now?_ I should've just stood up a long time ago."

"But you did not, because you are _stupid_," Fuuka chimed in a sing-song voice.

The Hokage chuckled. "Fuuka, the test will be now, at Training Ground Six. Guy will be your test administrator, and the Council of Elders and I will oversee your performance."

Fuuka nods. "So, basically, I can't use any of the techniques my father taught me. That should be fine."

"We will be doing individual first, and then a group testing, to see how you as a group perform." Fuuka nods again.

"I admit that I am anxious to see just how you intend to prove that the Fox is stable inside of your seal." Fuuka nods again.

"Also, if your performance is lackluster, I will execute you and be done with it." Fuuka nods again.

"Are you just nodding for the hell of it?" The Hokage asks, grumpily. Fuuka nods again. Then her smile widens.

"I am _joking,_ Hiruzen. Let us go and partake in the flesh of Youth!" she cried happily, and then vanished in a flash of red.

Kenji and Touya droned monotonously, "Guy is love. Guy is life," and also vanished, Kenji in a swirling displacement of air and Touya by melting into the ground.

The Hokage stared at them, slack-jawed. "What hell have I wrought unto this village?" Then he stood up, adjourned the meeting, and Body Flickered to the training ground, his Council of Elders following him.


	2. Guy Is Love, Guy Is Life

**Author's Note:** I find that the Rinnegan should have been the most overpowered doujutsu in canon, overtaking the Byakugan and Sharingan, but instead that damn spinning eyeball gets the most powerful techniques. Well, not in this story; I've given both the Byakugan and Rinnegan power-ups that they didn't have in canon, and Kenji has unique Mangekyou Sharingan in both eyes that you'll probably see eventually. I've also given them (all three eyes) more weaknesses to compensate.

The Byakugan is the all-seeing eye. The Sharingan is the all-reflecting eye. The Rinnegan is the all-knowing eye. I felt that it was time to prove that.

Also, I have more fun writing this story than I do my other three stories. I have _the most fun_ writing this story. That's probably why it bounces all over the place.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Guy Is Love, Guy Is Life**

"All right, so who's going first?" Kenji asked as they stretched in preparation of the spar ahead of them. In front of them was Might Guy, the greatest taijutsu specialist in the world, standing stock still. To the side had the Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, and his two teammates and compatriots, Utatane Koharu and Mitokado Homura, prepared to take notes, and Shimura Danzou, who simply looked on, bored. Unknown to everyone but the three time-travelers, two agents of Root were taking notes in the trees.

"I suppose we should go weakest to strongest, and then the teamwork spar?" Fuuka stated more than asked. She pointedly looked at Touya, and Kenji unknowingly followed suit. Touya heaved a sigh.

"I'm not _that_ bad..." he moaned despairingly. Fuuka nodded.

"You really are not. Unfortunately, we are just better than you."

Touya sighed. "Yeah, yeah," he waved off Fuuka's words. "Let's just finish this."

Touya stepped forward and Guy stared stonily at him. "You will begin?"

Touya shrugged. "Sure, whatever."

Guy smiled suddenly, shining his white teeth at him. "Good! We will begin this most youthful spar!"

Touya shrugged again, but there was a hint of despair in it. "Yeah, yeah, let's just begin." He set his feet into a position but shoved his hands into his pockets, tilting his head back lazily. Actually, the position of his head was designed to be the best way for his Rinnegan to capture the subtle movements of the taijutsu master, but he never mentioned that and just decided to look as bored as possible.

Guy apparently took offense at that and attacked him first. Or, rather, he bum-rushed Touya, who tilted his stance and _shifted._

Touya appeared behind Guy, but Guy was ready for that and delivered a powerful elbow into his stomach. Touya winced and flew backwards, but landed on his feet, panting heavily.

"Fucking _hell_ that hurt," he spat. His eyes turned into the iconic purple of the Rinnegan, and he lifted his hand out.

Guy was at his side at an instant, ready to deliver a kick to his torso, but Touya was prepared.

"_Shinra Tensei!_"

Guy was thrown backwards as Touya caught his breath, but Guy regained his footing and surged forward.

"Kaimon: _Kai!_" Guy released the first gate during his manic surge and Touya was wholly unprepared for the feeling of tons of bricks crushing his ribcage, and flew backwards into a tree, crushing it instantly.

Guy landed in front of Touya laying on his back, and prepared to finish him off, but Touya found his chakra and _pulled._

"_Banshou Ten'in!_"

Guy flew forwards into the tree trunk as Touya jumped away from Guy.

"My healing is taking too damn long," he muttered as he tore away his shirt, wincing at the substantial amount of bruising over his torso. He looked up suddenly to see Guy rushing at him again with his fist, and pushed him away again. Touya sighed. "I need more _time_, damn it."

Guy recovered astonishingly quickly, but this time Touya decided to bring out his favored trump card.

"Mokuton: _Jubaku Eisou!_"

Touya pounded the ground with his open palms, and Guy was completely covered by thick tree branches, leaving only his face exposed.

"This is Mokuton," Touya stated as he walked towards Guy. "Known as the bloodline that brought the entire village into existence." He scratched his nose. "Also some other things I don't remember. I don't remember my point, either. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I win, since I can crush you easily and the tree sucks your chakra." He turned to the Hokage. "Do I win?"

The Hokage nodded. "Release him." Touya obliged and Guy stumbled away from where the trees once held him.

"I..." Guy shook his head. "I may have underestimated you. Truly, you are a fountain of youth," he solemnly said. Touya clapped him in the back.

"Don't do it again, because they can beat me really easily," Touya said, gesturing to Fuuka and Kenji. "But yeah, don't worry. It's still somewhat biased, since we know that you're a taijutsu expert and you don't know anything about us."

Touya steps away and Kenji steps forward. "Touya's got it right, so I'll explain a bit about myself. I'm Kenji, a blind, part-Uchiha swordsman from Mist. I'm proficient in Raiton techniques, and I'm rather fond of carrots." Kenji grins, showing his pointy teeth. "Nice to meetcha."

Guy nodded, then postured and yelled, "I am Might Guy! I am a taijutsu expert, but you already knew that! It is truly a pleasure to meet you!"

Kenji winced and dug out his ear with his finger. "Yes, yes, you're quite loud." He flicked his earwax off and pulled out a sheathed sword from somewhere, then got into a sword position. "Let's begin."

Guy moved, but Kenji moved at an equal speed, and where Guy punched, Kenji dodged. Once Guy slowed down even a little bit, Kenji whipped out his sword and slashed, forcing Guy to dodge to avoid the sharp blade. Kenji and Guy were evenly matched for a solid amount of time, but Guy ended up losing, if only because, near the end of the match, Kenji pulled off his headband, showing Sharingan eyes, and he dodged Guy's hits with complete ease, before predicting an opening and taking it, kicking him to the ground.

All in all, it was a good match. Kenji pulled Guy up and shook his hand.

"If I didn't use my Sharingan, I definitely would have lost that, since your stamina is loads better than mine," Kenji said, sweating profusely. "God, that was fun. We really have to go again some time." Gai's teeth shone, and he gave Kenji a thumbs-up.

"Of course! That was truly an inspiring battle!"

Fuuka stood forward and Kenji hobbled back to where Touya was, before he leaned on Touya and fell asleep nearly instantly. Fuuka smiled beatifically and she bowed to Guy. "Let us have a good match."

"Yosh!" But before anyone could say anything else, Guy rocketed towards Fuuka, who barely dodged in time. Fuuka flung one of her curved kunai randomly as Guy burst forward.

"Kaimon: _Kai!_ Kyuumon: _Kai!_ Seimon: _Kai!_" Guy opened the first three gates as he zoomed towards Fuuka at a blinding speed. Fuuka avoided it by using the technique that made her father famous:

"_Hiraishin!_"

Fuuka teleported to her curved kunai, picked it up, and stared at Guy, who was turning around.

"I need to take this a lot more seriously, huh?" Fuuka asked, and Guy just rushed forward.

Before Guy could make it to Fuuka's new position, she grasped the seal on her stomach, and _twisted._ She started glowing silver, and flickered away from Guy's reach. Guy turned again towards Fuuka's new location.

"Running away is so unyouthful!" Guy yelled, even as he dashed forward to Fuuka again.

Fuuka, in her chakra cloak, frowned and said, "I was getting myself ready!"

Then, she proceeded to utterly dominate Guy.

When Guy rushed forward, Fuuka shot out an arm to intercept him. Guy jumped over the arm, but the arm curved upwards and grabbed him by the foot, throwing him down on the ground. Guy flipped backwards, but Fuuka flickered from view and was suddenly _there_, pounding fist after gigantic chakra fist into his torso, flinging him upwards. Then, when Guy finally reached the apex of his fall, he tried to land using the Forward Lotus, drilling directly into Fuuka, but then she used _kage bunshin_, and suddenly the clearing was _completely covered_ in silver.

That was where things got dizzying.

Fuuka used Hiraishin and kawarimi ridiculously effectively, substituting clones of herself with clones of herself, and then using Hiraishin to teleport Guy to specific, well-planned places. When Guy tried to get up and punch a Fuuka clone, she simply switched herself to a clone behind Guy, then used the Hiraishin to a better area for her to hit Guy in the back.

Guy ended up on the floor, utterly defeated, as Fuuka released the silver glow. She smiled and turned to the Hokage. "Do I win?"

Kenji woke up with a jolt. Then he groaned. "Oh, damn, I missed it?"

The Hokage stared at her, and then started to clap. "That was _fantastic._" The other elders followed suit. Even _Danzou_ clapped. "In fact, all three of you were fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that I will not separate any of you three." He signed a form, then passed it around to the other elders. "You are hereby promoted to Jounin, full Jounin, all three of you, and you will be assigned as a special ANBU squad for the protection of the Leaf from S-rank threats." Fuuka's eyes widened when she realized where he was going with this. "You will also be tasked with the protection of our most valuable assets. All three of you will take a separate mission, no questions asked, until such time as the Leaf needs to be protected: Fuuka, you will be the caretaker of one Uzumaki Naruto. Kenji, you will be the caretaker of one Uchiha Sasuke. Touya, you will be assigned as an Academy teacher to further the education of the next generation. All three of you will also serve in the hospital until further notice."

The three of them stared at him, then Kenji and Touya turned to Fuuka. Fuuka thought for a minute.

"This seems acceptable."

So Kenji and Touya nodded, even as Kenji glowered at Fuuka, who simply smiled serenely back.

"Very well," the Hokage said, as he and the other elders left. "You are dismissed."

* * *

Kenji cut carrots into little chunks as water boiled on the stove. He put all the little carrots into a bag of lettuce and shook it wildly, then grabbed tomatoes and did the same. _I'm pretty sure he liked tomatoes, after all, and I like carrots, so mixing both of them together has got to be good._ He shuffled the tomatoes in the bag with some sort of sauce Kenji didn't know what it was, and shook it wildly again, then poured some of it into another, smaller bag.

Sasuke walked down the stairs, warily, and ready to kill him, Kenji sensed, so he called out, "Hello, Sasuke, breakfast is on the table." Kenji gestured to vaguely where the table was.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked warily.

"Apparently," Kenji said, nonchalantly. "I'm your last remaining living relative who isn't your brother. So I guess that makes us house mates for the time being." If anything, the intent to kill grew, but it wasn't nearly as noticeable as trained killing intent, so Kenji disregarded it. "I'm only part-Uchiha, so I don't really know my way around the compound, but I think I got everything right."

"I don't need your help," Sasuke growled. "I can live on my own."

"And I believe that you can," Kenji retorted, shaking out the salad into what he hoped was a bowl. "And I genuinely didn't even want to be here, but the Hokage said that this was how it's gonna be, so I gotta listen to the guy." He tossed the small bag into a paper bag, reached for an apple in the refrigerator, and tossed that into the paper bag as well. "I hope you like tomatoes and carrots because I kind of just made one salad. Tomorrow I'll try to make a bento or something."

"Get out," Sasuke said, even as he grabbed the bag Kenji made for him.

"No can do, kiddo," Kenji replied, messing up Sasuke's hair. "Hokage says something has to happen, then something has to happen." He felt a knife pass through the air and he merely tilted his head back a little to dodge it.

"_Get. Out._" Sasuke growled.

"You know I'm stronger than your brother, right?" Kenji asked rhetorically. "And also that I also have the Sharingan. I'll also be living with you for a while on the Hokage's orders, so do you _really_ want to make me leave?" Kenji noticed that Sasuke stilled considerably. "That's what I thought."

"Then, train me." Sasuke glared at Kenji when he snorted at that. "You're going to live here, so train me."

"_Fuck_ no." Kenji scoffs. "I'm not going to waste my time training a suicide case."

"How _dare_ you!" Sasuke shouts, with all the rage of a petulant eight-year-old, swinging his arm towards Kenji. "You're living in _my_ house-"

"That the Hokage is _letting_ you live in. The same Hokage that is pretty much forcing me to be here." Kenji grabbed Sasuke's fist before it hit him. "Trust me, kid. I have more of a claim to stay here than you do. You _can't_ kick me out."

"I am an _Uchiha!_" Sasuke yells, struggling in Kenji's grip.

"Didn't seem to help them, did it?" Kenji asked sarcastically. "Now shut up and help me cut these tomatoes."

Sasuke grumbled but grudgingly complied, cradling his wrist after Kenji let go of it. Kenji idly wondered how Fuuka was doing.

* * *

Fuuka relaxed on her couch, flicking chakra chains lazily around the house, cleaning various spots, as Naruto watched in awe.

"That's so cool!" Naruto said, bouncing around in place. Fuuka hummed, smiling lazily.

"These chains are an Uzumaki thing," Fuuka said, "so I might be able to teach you in the future." Naruto stopped bouncing around in place and stared at her in wonder. "Well," Fuuka tapped her chin in thought. "they might just be exclusive to Uzumaki females. I am not entirely sure," she admitted.

"Why...why would you be so nice to me?" Naruto finally asked, donning a troubled look. Fuuka hummed questioningly, so Naruto clarified. "It's just that...nobody's ever done so much for me."

"Do you like it?" Fuuka asked, nonchalantly, twirling a kunai in hand. Naruto nodded excitedly.

"I love it! Everything's great, 'ttebayo!" Naruto shouted, using his strangely-endearing verbal tic. "It's just that..."

"You have been alone for so long, that it is strange to find someone wanting you," Fuuka finished for him, absent-mindedly. "I do apologize, beloved otouto, but I was trying to keep you safe from outside threats. I had no idea that there were such threats on the inside."

"It's okay, because you came for me!" Naruto grinned. "So I forgive you, 'ttebayo."

"Please refrain from showing me a false face," Fuuka chastised. "I do not appreciate being lied to."

Naruto's face blanked, then he turned sullen. "I...might hate you, okay? I just..." He rubs at his face, scowling. "It's just, I...I don't know why people do that to me. It's just..."

"They did it because they were under the mistaken impression that you held the Nine-Tailed Fox," Fuuka commented, still absently, ignoring Naruto's shock. "That is not entirely true." She absently patted her stomach, still lazily spinning a kunai around with her hand. "I hold half and you hold half."

Naruto stared in shock. "Then...I really _am_ a demon?"

Fuuka snorted. "Please, listen to me before jumping to accusations. Where did you even _get_ that idea?" She paused in her kunai-twirling and stared directly at Naruto. "Remember this: the villagers were _wrong._ Sometimes, even an idea that everyone supports is still the wrong idea." Fuuka stretched and yawned. "For instance, the idea that the Fox would be able to corrupt you. You're my brother, you're stronger than that."

Naruto blushed. "It feels weird, you calling me your brother, 'ttebayo. I kinda like it."

Fuuka's smile widened. "I am glad that you like it, otouto, because it is true."

"Then why..." Naruto faltered for words. "Why didn't you come for me sooner?" _Didn't you love me enough to check on me?_ went unsaid.

"I..." Fuuka sighed, smile dropping completely. "I didn't know if I would be able to survive my training, so I figured I would train my hardest to keep the Fox in check. And then, I would check on you. I didn't want to come back here before I finished because I didn't want to give you a false hope and then die during training, and I didn't check up on you because that would've distracted me."

"Oh." Naruto stared at her. "Will I need to do that training?"

"Yes, but not now, and not for any time soon," Fuuka replied, no longer nonchalant. "Understand this: your seal is much more secure than mine, because Father sealed it into you as an infant, so it is bound more tightly to your body than mine. Thankfully, I am a seal-master, so I can adapt." Fuuka grabbed a strand of her hair. "Incidentally, I was blonde before I started my training."

Naruto stared more. "So...you're the Fox?"

Fuuka whistled. "Naruto. I may love you, but you are jumping to the wrong conclusions, and that is irritating. I hold the Fox, like you."

"Then how...?"

quot;I am also a seal-master, but I am only ten years old." Fuuka went back to her absent-mindedly picking at trash with chakra chains. "I learned sealing thanks to Father's scrolls, and because I am so intelligent I decided that the first seal I would try to change would be the one on my stomach." Fuuka grimaced. "It...didn't go well."

Naruto finally noticed something. "You knew our Father?!" Naruto jumped up and down excitedly again. "Tell me, tell me, _tell me!_"

Fuuka cracked an eye open. "Who is your favorite Hokage?"

"The Fourth, duh. Because he..." Naruto scrunched his face up. "Well, because he risked his life to seal the Fox into us, and that protected the village."

Fuuka genuinely smiled at him. "I am glad that you love this village." Fuuka then asked, "Who is that face on the mountain, next to the old man?"

Naruto turned towards the Hokage Mountain. "Um...the Fourth Hokage?"

"Then, I will tell you something." Fuuka stated, eyes closed. "There is a reason I am emphasizing the Fourth Hokage."

Naruto stared at her again, perplexed. "Then..."

Fuuka cracked her eyes open a little bit. "Then...?"

"The Fourth knew our Dad?!"

Fuuka facepalmed, but Naruto kept talking.

"That's so cool! I can't believe that the Fourth and our Dad were friends! That's amazing, I knew the Fourth was awesome but I didn't know our Dad was-"

"YER A FRIGGIN' _'TARD_!" Fuuka's voice barked, and Naruto jumped and stared at her again. Fuuka blushed, coughed, and spoke again. "I mean, um. That is the wrong conclusion."

"What was _that?!_" Naruto laughed uproariously, and Fuuka fought the urge to strangle him.

She sighed. "I will never live that down, huh?" she asked nobody in particular, then cleared her throat. "The Fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato, was our father, and our mother was one of the few survivors from the fall of Whirlpool, Uzumaki Kushina. I will tell you about that later." She noticed that Naruto looked very surprised.

"The...the Fourth is our father?" he asked in a small voice. Fuuka nodded. "But...why? Why would he seal the demon into us?"

"Because he loved us," Fuuka flatly stated. "He loved us, he loved the village, and he had more faith that the village would treat you like a hero and not the pariah you currently are." Fuuka stared off into the distance, seeing something only she could see. "In many ways, he was naïve. But, nobody could doubt his strength." Fuuka smiled wistfully. "He was a very charismatic man, and fiercely loyal to the village that he loved. Mother was equally charismatic, very silly and playful but determined and very, very strong. She was a lot like you, actually. Her red hair was brighter than my own, more vibrant and full of life. It was beautiful," she reminisced, tears falling from her eyes. "Oh, God, I miss them..."

Naruto patted her leg, and Fuuka looked up to see him also crying, so Fuuka got up and hugged him. Naruto cried for what could have been, and what could never be, and Fuuka merely held him, tears leaking from her eyes.

* * *

"Kyaa!"

"Sasuke-kun's so cool!"

Sasuke sat moodily in his seat. Surprisingly, Naruto also sat moodily in his seat, and Sasuke stared at him for a bit, then turned away.

Naruto wiped at his face, and his visage turned from sullen to determined. In a corner of the room, there was a squeak of surprise, but Naruto ignored it.

"Today we have a new teacher, who will be here for this class," Iruka-sensei stated. "Please welcome Touya-san."

"Hello," Touya said as he waved while walking into the door. "I'm-"

"NARUTO!"

"SASUKE!"

Both Fuuka and Kenji come out from behind Touya and jump to where Naruto and Sasuke are sitting.

"Naruto is _definitely_ cuter!" Fuuka shouted, pinching his cheeks. Naruto scowled and blushed in embarrassment.

"_Nee-chan!_ What are you doing?!"

"Shh, otouto." Fuuka held Naruto to her bosom, squeezing him all the while. "I am _winning._"

"Hell no!" Kenji shook his head. "Sasuke is much more adorable!" He tried to also pinch Sasuke's cheeks, but Sasuke ducked his head. "More moody, sure, but that just adds to his cuteness." Kenji shrugged and messed up his hair again.

Fuuka snorted. "If you prefer pointlessly depressed and moody children, then sure. But Naruto is so adorable! He is like a little hyperactive hamster, it is _sooo_ adorable!"

"And like little hyperactive hamsters, he's _sooo_ annoying," Kenji mocked. "Meanwhile, Sasuke doesn't even get in anyone's way, because he's much better than your brother."

"Naruto is _much_ better!" Fuuka shouted.

"No way, it's Sasuke!" Kenji shouted in response.

"Naruto!"

"Sasuke!"

"NARUTO!"

"SASUKE!"

Touya grabbed both of them from the back of their heads and threw them headfirst into each other, where they collapsed bonelessly.

"Right, I'm Touya, and these are my idiot friends." Touya sighed miserably, kneading his forehead. "I'll just..."

He lifted both of them and threw them outside of the room, and then sat in the corner, facing the wall.

"Touya-san?" Iruka asked, after getting over his shock. "Are you alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine." Touya looked up and waved Iruka off. "I'm just going to sit here and wallow in my despair, just carry on."

"...Well." Iruka said needlessly. "That was interesting." He noticed that every girl in the class had blushes on their cheeks, but disregarded it. "Touya-san here is a Jounin, appointed by the Hokage himself to teach here, so he's stronger than even me."

"That's debatable," Touya muttered in his corner, then he proceeded to ignore most of the class, only grunting when prompted by Iruka.

When it got to the history lessons of the day, Touya finally got up from the corner and stood by Iruka.

"Iruka, I'll take this lesson."

"Ah," Iruka looked only faintly surprised. "Very well; we're covering the end of the First Great Ninja War, where the Second Hokage sacrificed his life."

"Okay." Touya clasped his hands and a giant table popped out of the ground, to everyone's shock. Touya moved towards the table.

"So, the Second Hokage and his team," Touya pointed to a spot on the board and a miniature statue of the Second Hokage popped up, "which consisted of the future Third Hokage and his two advisors, and a separate team consisting of Shimura Danzou, Akimichi Torifu, and Uchiha Kagami," he pointed to more spots and even more statues popped up on the table, "had to escape from a squad of twenty highly-trained expert shinobi from the Cloud Village, called the Kinkaku Force." Suddenly, miniature trees grew on the table, and twenty shinobi appeared behind a clearing of trees, each of them donning a metallic, faintly-golden sheen.

"The Second, realizing what must be done, asked for a volunteer to sacrifice themselves so that they could escape. After a moment's deliberation," he pointed to the Third Hokage's statue, which moved and raised its own hand. "Sarutobi Hiruzen, the person we know today as the Third Hokage raised his hand and offered himself. Now, he and Danzou were best friends, so Danzou naturally raised his hand as well," he pointed to the Danzou statue, who started yelling soundlessly at the Hiruzen statue, while also raising his hand. "But Tobirama, the Second Hokage, realized that Hiruzen was the best fit for the job of Hokage, so he selected him as his successor," the statue of Tobirama pointed to the statue of Hiruzen, while Danzou's statue looked on in abject shock, and Hiruzen's two teammates looked on in pride, "and sacrificed himself. Does anyone know why?" he asked the mesmerized students. One pink-haired girl shyly raised her hand and Touya pointed to her.

"Um...because he was the strongest and so he could delay them more than the Third could?"

"That's...that's _right_, in a way, but not what I was looking for. Anyone else?" Nobody raised their hands. "Actually, it was because Tobirama realized the value of the next generation, and understood that, so he willingly sacrificed himself to ensure that the next generation of shinobi had a leader he could trust, someone who would willingly sacrifice themselves for the good of the village. Someone who could guide them into the next generation: the third Fire Shadow.

"So, anyway, the Second Hokage was the one who delayed the Kinkaku Force enough so that the Third Hokage and his squadron could survive. Reports differ on what actually happened, but it's generally concluded that the Second Hokage killed all twenty of those shinobi in an intense battle before later dying from his injuries." The Second Hokage mini-statue fought all twenty shinobi in the most epic and intense battle that miniature statues had ever done on a table, with actual miniature jutsu flying about this way and that, before the only statue left standing was the Second Hokage's, who then collapsed where he stood.

"The moral of this historical lesson is that, as a ninja, and especially as a Hokage, one must be willing to sacrifice themselves for the benefit of others. This is what a ninja does: they live a life of bloodshed and violence, all to protect those people precious to them.

"Any questions?" Touya asked, to the shocked crowd of students. Even Iruka looked shocked.

"A masterful performance," the Hokage said behind Touya. He yelped and turned around quickly to see the Third Hokage with tears in his eyes, clapping softly. "It happened just as I remember it." Danzou stood next to him, stoically looking away from everyone, although Touya could see the emotions warring behind his visible eye.

"Everyone, this is the Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, and elder Shimura Danzou." Touya recovered from his shock enough to introduce the two old men. "They actually _did_ participate in the event that I re-enacted. Does anyone have any questions about the event?"

One girl raised her hand, and Touya pointed to her. "Um, why didn't they go and help protect the Second Hokage?"

Touya was about to respond, but then stopped, and turned to the elders. "Do either of you have any comments on that?"

"Mostly, it was shock," Danzou replied, as softly as Touya had ever seen him speak, both in this timeline and other timelines. "I hadn't even noticed anything until Kagami slapped me and told me to focus, since we were running on autopilot and I had almost crashed into a tree." There were snickers at this, and Danzou actually smiled, albeit softly.

Hiruzen shook his head and said with a smile, "I remember that. Koharu was so worried, and of course Torifu wanted you to crash into the tree, so he was pretty upset about that. But we weren't about to defy his last order," he told the girl. "When Tobirama-sensei said to run, we _ran._"

Another person, this time a boy, raised his and, and Touya pointed to him. "Is it true that the Second Hokage took out those shinobi by himself?"

Danzou and Hiruzen looked at each other than, in unison, said, "Yes."

"The one thing wrong about the simulation was that the Second Hokage didn't die there," the Hokage said. "He actually _came back_ to the village, but died in the hospital. So we know that he did because he said so himself."

"Tobirama-sama wasn't one to brag or bluff about his accomplishment, even in pain," Danzou added. "He was truly a remarkable shinobi."

"Alright, so, a few more questions, then we'll leave the old men to rest," he added with a wink, causing Hiruzen and even Danzou to chuckle.

A few more questions were answered, and Hiruzen and Danzou seemed to greatly enjoy the experience and attention, so Touya considered it a success. He dismantled the table and called the children for a recess, then turned to the Hokage. "What's up? I know you didn't come by for the history lesson."

"We actually came to observe, but your performance was so enthralling that we decided to make ourselves known," the Hokage replied. Touya nodded.

"Fair enough." Touya wrinkled his nose. "Was there something else?"

Danzou coughed, and his expression turned neutral. "No, nothing else."

"Good!" Touya smiled. "I'm happy that you enjoyed the performance; I did a lot of research to get it right."

"I see." The Hokage smiled one last time and turned away. "I'm glad you're adapting so well. This clearly was the right choice."

Touya smiled happily and waved at the two departing elders, then put his hand down in depression. "Oh, hell, I have to _keep_ doing this?"


End file.
